No man is an island, yet no one is indispensable. We’ve been advised that the things we do in life are not as important as the people we do them with, and yet, we owe it to no one but ourselves to live a good life. Relationships are so weird, cos we are so weird. Humans have such interesting needs. I don’t think I could ever make it alone, but sometimes that’s all I want – to be left alone. Being committed to another person with monogamy in mind is even a stranger thing to navigate.
How does one juggle the differing expectations, and what is right to expect of another person? Until now, I’m still not sure, and I still have to work it out. At what point do I begin and where do I end, and where is the point where we are meshed together? How do we mesh, without the violence, the injury, the pieces of ourselves to shave off to fit into each other?
We say we shouldn’t change for anyone, but nothing is more important than compromise in a relationship. How much do we compromise, and how much of ourselves do we save?
I always think about how marriage as an institution is a social construct. We used to have tons of societies that didn’t base their structure on the nuclear family unit, and didn’t need marriage to arrange their relations. It’s not so prevalent anymore, but there are still some of such societies (and it’s the most interesting thing.) But anyway, my point was marriage is a social construct. We’ve been taught by culture and media and parents and education to want to get married, to want monogamy, to structure our lives around this unit. And it’s interesting that so much is built on this foundational institution, including expectations and self-worth and all these things that are important to us individually. So in a way it’s a (vicious) cycle, of society creating and fulfilling expectations, and asking all these things of us, that sometimes could be so arbitrary.
Yet, our lives can so easily be ruined by marriage, the lack thereof, or the destruction of one. It’s frightening, really! And it goes back to being weird, too! Cos no one really knows how to navigate these waters, and they can be the strangest thing of all.